Portions of this post comes from the blog, Living the Gospel by Bill Carroll an "Episcopal priest and member of the third order of the Society of Saint Francis". His web site is at http//:evangeliumobservare.blogspot.com/
Triangles and Sin
Blessed is the servant who would love and respect his brother as much when he is far from him as he would when he is with him; and who would not say anything behind his back which in charity he could not say to his face.
--Francis of Assisi, Admonition 25
It is a commonplace in writings about leadership influenced by family systems ... that one should attempt to reposition oneself when one finds oneself in a triangle between two or more other persons. Often we say to one person what we should be saying to another. ... Reestablishing direct communication promotes self-differentiation throughout the system. It also puts the anxiety back where it belongs and removes the leader from the position of bearing responsibilities that are not his or hers. [H]anding people back the anxiety that belongs to them. This is the first step in getting others to take responsibility for managing themselves.
Francis reminds us of a particularly pernicious form of triangle: the one that develops when we malign our brother or sister behind his or her back. All triangulation may be a consequence of the fall. And in fact, through the presence of the serpent, triangles develop in the course of the fall itself. Look at some of the triangles in the Genesis story (Adam-Eve-serpent; Adam-God-Eve; Serpent-Eve-God; Cain-Abel-God; God-Cain-Abel) etc. Francis identifies this tendency with both vice and sin, through the use of the word "charity." The problem with what we say behind other's backs is that we cannot say it "in charity" to their face.
Francis stands here on firm New Testament ground. Jesus himself urged direct confrontation when differences arose within his Church. See Matthew 18:15ff. He also modeled it in his conversations with others. Think about his confrontation with Simon the Pharisee or the woman at the well. Jesus urges his followers to direct, simple, and honest speech. ...
It is no accident that Thomas Aquinas cites many of these works of the flesh when he deals with acts contrary to charity, the precise virtue that Francis calls to mind. The works of the flesh may be human and to some extent they may be unavoidable in a post fall world, but that doesn't make them right or normative.
In Christ, we are called to a better way. The Apostle describes this way in moving words appointed recently in our lectionary, which may have gotten lost in some of our congregations among the many fine sermons about the Bread of Life. In the fourth chapter of Ephesians, we find the following exhortation:
I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Ultimately, in this very brief passage from Francis, I think he is laying the groundwork for the same sort of life, one characterized by brotherhood and sisterhood in the Church, and ultimately in a far wider Kingdom.
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